So I just had an adult size meltdown.
My mummy meltdown came after I had to deal with a child sized meltdown.... and where the fuck did that come from???
James had been awesome all day.
We have had a great morning and early afternoon.
Then BANG, it HIT! And it hit hard.
It started all because he wanted to feed the fish... that's totally normal, he feeds te fish every single day.
Today he wanted to give the fish the wrong fish food (Theo bought the wrong one and rather than throw it out or take it back we kept it for the fish at the temple), so he was screaming at me because he wanted the green fish food. I said no. He screamed more. Then I saw him tick over, over into fucking meltdown. Now.... was it really about the fish food??? NO, it would be an anxiety build up trying to come out and the fish food just happened to be the set off.
I gave him the fish food.
He tipped the entire container in the fish tank. Then while I tried to scoop it out he screamed at me not to.
CONTROL... all control.
He just screamed and screamed and screamed.
For a while 2 fucking hours.
I put him in the bath... no release.
I have him everything he screamed for (within reason) ... nothing helped.
I ended up letting him scream in his bedroom while I sat on the kitchen floor and cried.
what the fuck have I done to deserve all of this?
These are the dark days. The days people don't want to talk about.
It ain't all fucking brilliant minds and celebrating small achievements. It's a struggle. Day in and day out.
When hubby got home, I ran away.
I got in my car. I turned the music up so loud that the bass bounced my soul.
i headed straight to the club.
Downed a wine so fast, ate some chocolate and had a little gamble. None of those three things helped in any way. But I needed to self destruct ... I just had a huge adult meltdown.
I keep my shit together all day every fucking day.... today I am broken.